Well...... Here I am, awake at 2:45 in the morning. This time last year, my average bed time was around 11:00, roughly the same time it was when I was in high school. However, since this week I am working mostly late-mid shifts and don't get off until after midnight, my body isn't quite tired at the time most people are in bed. So here I sit and write.
As someone who is recently single, it's amazing all of the many observations I have made upon this new found life I am forced to live. Here are just a few of the observations I have made while enduring this awkward time in my life:
1. It is either feast or famine when it comes to relationships.
That's right folks, when you're dating someone, all of these guys/girls just come out of the wood work and magically want to date you and fall dramatically in love. I mean really, when I was with my ex, there was a point in which I had FOUR guys interested in me at one time. Now I am by no means the most attractive person in the world mind you, so the fact that I am taken and have this many people crushing on me is quite a bit irritating. So now, many moons later, I am single, available, ready to be wined and dined, and where are all of these guys now??? Hell if I know, they are no where to be found. So yes, I sit, and am annoyed.
2. Everyone around you is starting to become in a relationship.
As I'm sitting browsing along on Facebook, I notice that there are 5 love matches in my news feed, telling me that Billy and Betty have fallen madly in love and now are starting to date. And what is irritating is that all of these people haven't dated anyone since Pocahontas roamed the earth. Not only are people starting new relationships, but it's also that time where people are getting married, having children, and blah blah blah. It's quite the nauseating scene.
3. You look in the mirror and are disgusted with what you see.
There's nothing like a hardcore break-up that rocks the core of your self-esteem more. With me, I all of a sudden feel this complete sense of ugliness, and feel as if I'm just the next great sumo wrestler. I know when I was with Chris, I was happy, comfortable, and frankly I didn't care who I was trying to impress because I was with the love of my life and that's all I had eyes for. Now, even if I'm making a run to the gas station, I find myself making sure that I look halfway decent because who knows what big and glamours star will be there when I arrive. The whole thing is just so stupid, yet I can't seem to help think that I need to impress others due to a lower confidence level that now exists within me.
4. Anything and everything reminds you of them.....
This last glaring observation has also been the worst and hardest one for me to deal with. I went to the grocery store yesterday, and in grocery shopping I all of a sudden became very sad because I realized that I was shopping solo, something that I hadn't done very much or frequently in a long time. I hear certain songs on the radio and I think of him. Places I go, people I see, dreams I have, and things I find when I go shopping all have me think of him, and part of me forgets just for an instant that we aren't together and everything is back to normal.
Reality is harsh, whether that be how you feel when you look in the mirror, financial problems, stress, or in my case, a break-up. I am told by many people that God has these great things in store for me, a plan yet to be unveiled, one to be released in His timing. While I agree and believe with all of my heart that this is true. it's still hard to understand why things happen when they do. Nevertheless, who am I to question a higher authority. I just have to trust that He knows what he's doing, and I'll meet Mr. Right in due time.
Don't forget: Philippians 4:13.
Until next time,
~Jonathan
I agree with you on many points. Being the victim of heartbreak in the past, I can totally relate. Why is it when you are single and not talking to anyone, there is no one. Then you start talking to someone and BAM! You have others interested too. And yes, it seems when you are single, your friends are not and it's vice-versa when you are in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to you about "going to the store alone" or how you two had a favorite restaurant and you visited the place frequently. Now do you go alone or just avoid the place all together? I remember going to one place and the waitress ask me flat out "so is it just you tonight?" Yeah, that kinda made me sad thinking yes, we split. But I can't tell her that. I later avoided the place for a few months.
By all means, do not feel disgusted about yourself or personal appearance. I'm pretty sure that was not the reason of the breakup. And if it was, he's a shallow ass. I'm still guilty of making myself look decent when I leave the house thinking the same thing, who will I run in to while I'm out. Even though my bf says "who are you trying to impress? you already have me!"
I was single for five years before I met my current bf, and I hated being single in the beginning, then loved it in the middle. Being able to do what you want when you want and just enjoyed life. But now, I have met an amazing guy and I couldn't be happier. Hold you head high, you will survive this and you will come out an even stronger individual!